Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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