She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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