I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
