I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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