yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
