im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
