Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
