Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
