He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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