is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we made out on top of his cat.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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