So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
