So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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