All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
