there's paper in my vomit.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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