i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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