Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
