I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
