suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
