Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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