textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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