I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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