I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
