p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
