We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
