just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
