im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
