I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
