remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
