operation have a gay friend backfired
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
