Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
