It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
