hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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