Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
