we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
