matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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