remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
