Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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