ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize