worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
