apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
