Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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