Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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