Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
