you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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