Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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