If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
