oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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