I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
