so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
