omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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