The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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