sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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