he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think i have two assholes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
