Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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