wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
