a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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