Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
