When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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