I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
