I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
