My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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