I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
