I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
