I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
