It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
