U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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