you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
