barbara walters just said penis...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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