well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
