either way he was missing a nipple.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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