STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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