MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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