My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
