I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I could fuck to npr.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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