Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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