disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize