I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
