the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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