I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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