Someone shit on the floor
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't turn off my feet"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
