Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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