Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
