WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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