I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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