and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she peed on how many people?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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