Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
