since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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