I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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