You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
