you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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