I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
