Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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