If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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